Do you tend to find you have the same issues, problems, and fights with every girl you date?
Perhaps a little rethinking of your ideal girl is in order. Sometimes what we see on the outside isn’t what’s on the inside, and as we all know, it’s hard to judge a book by its cover. We enter relationships of different intensities for basic reasons – love, lust, sex, companionship, friendship, romance – yet we often fall into patterns regarding the people we date.
You want the supermodel, but you are left feeling unsatisfied intellectually. You want the girl who can hang with all your guys, but you’re left feeling like all the sexual energy is kaput. You want someone with the same hobbies, but you find yourself constantly competing.
It’s easy to know what you want initially, but if you’re thinking more long-term, you’ll have to think about what you’ll want in the future as well. It’s great she can stay out until 4 am and hold her own at the bar, but do you want that lifestyle do dictate your relationship? Probably not. Likewise, if you opt for the sweet, innocent, girl, you’ll easily find one that meets Mom’s approval, but is she someone who meets your needs and wants? Doubtful.
Many times we enter dating expecting one thing, and leave disappointed after we’ve discovered we want something else. Although it’s a little traumatic perhaps, that’s actually, or more pointedly, exactly what dating is for. To discover what you do and don’t like, want, and need, from matters of attention to sex, and all things in between.
Instead of enter another date following your same pattern, stick to a few basic tips on the type of girls you should be dating, and those you would do best staying clear from.
1. Do Date: The Girl Who Has a Life Outside of Dating (and You)
Ever notice how people who are happy seem to draw others to them? It’s because they do! People who know how to have fun no matter what the situation make good times contagious and others want to be around them. A girl who has her own life will act in just this manner. She’ll respect you, and your space, and you won’t have to worry about her sitting home alone on a Saturday night. She’s already got fabulous plans with amazing friends in place.
2. Don’t Date: The Stage-5 Clinger
No one likes to be smothered, and some people have a hard time knowing the difference between showing affection and becoming totally clingy. It’s best to be on the same terms when it comes to how often you’ll see each other, text, or otherwise communicate.
You don’t have to draw rules into stone, but your actions can portray some basic guidelines of how much attention you need in a relationship. In general, keep your eyes open for behavior that shows she has to get her way, prioritizes her needs over yours, or doesn’t give you space when asked for. If you’re dating a girl who doesn’t respect your boundaries, or becomes passive-aggressive when she doesn’t hear from you right away, it may be time to cut the cord.
3. Do Date: The The Baggage-Free Girl
Dating a girl with too much baggage is like pouring too much salt on your steak – it ruins even the best person and along with your enjoyment of the future. Emotionally available women who are ready to date are confident, secure, and mostly happy. They’re not using you to get over an ex, or to get out of a bad relationship. They’re spending time getting to know you because they’re ready and looking for a potential future.
4. Don’t Date: The Emotionally (or In Any Way) Unavailable Girl
Breakups are hard. Moving on is harder. And sometimes it just takes a little time before a girl is ready to open herself up to a new relationship of any kind – emotional, sexual, or otherwise. It’s fairly easily to sense if a girl isn’t totally available for you at the moment. She’ll mention or relate things to her ex or become moody at certain topics out of nowhere (that, no doubt, remind her of her ex). You might get the feeling there’s something more important (or someone more important to her at the moment) on her mind. Even worse, if she’s still in a relationship but expresses feelings towards you, steer clear. Someone who cheats on someone else to start a relationship with you is likely to repeat that pattern in the future.
5. Do Date: The Girl Who Can Confidently Trust Others
Hopefully, it won’t take a dramatic event to figure out of if she trusts you or not. Many things, such as spending time together, revealing secrets, and being sexually open will show whether she does indeed trust you. Once that trust is built, your relationship can continue on smoothly without the need to look at each other’s phone calls, messages, g-chats, or emails.
6. Don’t Date: The Jealous Snooper or Stalker
Honestly is the best policy, but even married couples keep things to themselves. Respecting another person’s space and privacy and vital to the success of any relationship. If you find your girl is constantly looking through your computer, or demanding to see your phone there are likely other forces at play. You may have asked for it by your actions, but your privacy is sacred, and you deserve to have it. Call it issues from the past or childhood scars, but deep down, the real problem is a girl like this simply doesn’t trust herself and takes it out on you in the worst possible way.
7. Do Date: The Girl Who Enjoys and Values Sex
No one wants to be sexually frustrated. It causes all types of problems that manifest in various ways. Look for a partner with whom you share the same views and values about sex. It’s alright to take it slow at first. But, once the ball is rolling, it’s important you have similar levels of desire, and together strive for a satisfying and rewarding sexual aspect to your relationship.
8. Don’t Date: The “I Will Only Have Sex With You If…” Girl
Some girls find a way to use the power of sex as a weapon against men. And it’s not just about seducing men, it’s about getting them to do whatever she wants. It’s understandable to avoid intimacy in the middle of an argument or when troubles arise. But using sex as a way to control another person is never ok, and shows is a red flag of an individual who loves to manipulate.
9. Do Date: The Natural Beauty Who Doesn’t Need Makeup to Feel Sexy
Taking care of basic hygiene and staying polished is one thing. But going overboard with the makeup is another. Natural beauties value more than their shade of lipstick or perfection of foundation. They know that they look their best when happy and enjoying themselves and their lives, and will encourage you to do the same.
10. Don’t Date: The Barbie Doll Wannabe
Dating a girl who takes 2.5 hours to get ready for anything – dinner, brunch, a walk in the park, the gym – wastes not only her time, but also yours. Sure you want a girl who cares about her looks but going overboard with makeup isn’t making up for the time and energy she puts into herself, rather than you or your relationship. These types of girls who have a need to look perfect 24/7 can’t possibly put their full attention to anything but their multiple layers of concealer and perfect shade of lipstick. You may like a girl who looks mindblowingly great all the time, but that one aspect will get old fast. If you’ve never seen her in her natural form, we’re talking even the times she wakes up or straight out of the shower – there’s likely a problem brewing.